Wish I Could Run

Do you ever wish you could do something again that used to be easy but no longer is?

When I was in junior high I was a runner. By high school I wasn't running for school but would run for just me. As I got older I stopped running.

Sometimes I just want to run. I want to run like we did as children when we didn't get tired or notice the distance we traveled. I remember the feeling of the pavement under my shoes and the breeze in my hair drying the sweat on those hot days.

Now my weight literally weighs me down. My knees can't take the stress of running with my addition weight. I know that with time and weight loss I can run again. I can train by body to achieve what I want, but sometimes, well

I just want to run.

So over it!!

You know when you are exhausted and just feel like you lack the energy to move? I feel a bit like that about my weight right now. I had emergency hernia surgery almost 6 weeks ago. I have to wait until December 1st to be able to lift anything over a gallon of milk.

Let me just say that having that kind of a restriction and Halloween close together got the best of me. I swear in this short amount of time I have gained like 10 lbs. WHO DOES THAT??

Well, me. Too much sugar has lead to the worse sugar addiction I have ever suffered. I swear nothing sounds good to eat. It's like my brain has rewired to want only junk and I can't override it. I can cook for the family and then I don't feel hungry. In all honesty, it is the strangest thing so far. I have always enjoyed food. I have loved eating meat and veggies for dinner...well, that is out. I can cook chicken for the family and not want to take a single bite.

I know that if I can get into the gym, the workouts will trigger real hunger. The real hunger also triggers the craving for healthier foods in me.

I am so scarred of working out again though. I suffered a severe migraine almost two years ago. This migraine did not go away after a miserable day, it lingered. I spent months with a headache. The pain fluctuated from a 6 to a 9. EVERY SINGLE DAY my head hurt. Every day I had kids to take care of, a house to care for and life kept going. I visited a neurologist who gave me some meds that after about 6 additional weeks, broke the cycle. 

I can honestly say...the migraine was by push into the pit I am in now. I would try working out and suffer a relapse. I NEVER want to be in that kind of pain again. I didn't even feel like myself, it was horrible.

So what has changed? Well, I think I have just reached my limit. I think I would rather have a headache than feel like I do now. I told a friend I feel like a fat toad sitting on a lily pad.

Well toad, no more!! I know that making changes is the hardest thing ever, but it is time.