Have you ever wondered about somebody from your past? Wondered how they are doing, if they are successful, if they are happy?
Lately I have been wondering about two people from my past. One is an "ex-boyfriends" and the other was just a really great friend I had.
The first is an "ex-boyfriend" from junior high. In high school we where still friends and even tried to date. It didn't work out but we did go to prom together. We talked some when he went away to college and then just fell out of touch.
The second is a friend I made at my first job. He was painfully shy and I wanted to be friends. We had a lot of fun together and he was always there for me when I needed.
Then I had a thought...what if my happy memories are not so good for them?
I know we all have rough spots in our lives and sometimes we don't treat others as well as we should. Top that with the immaturity of youth and I know that I hurt them. I know that hurtful things where said, that I did not treat them as cherished people should be treated.
I have realized with age the importance of friends...the importance of treating those around you with love. I am often ashamed of the way the young me treated others. I feel bad for the feelings I hurt, for not letting them know how much I valued them. In my youth I was egocentric. I believed everything revolved around me...which I know is how lots of youth feel.
I am so embarrassed by the younger me that I threw away all the journals/ diaries I had kept. I couldn't stand looking back and cringing at my immaturity.
I now have this really crazy thing about everyone being happy. I have been fortunate enough in my life to find love, have children and find a really happy life. I know I am blessed and thank God every night for the life he has given me.
In truth this is what I wish for those around me. I have these two people on my mind and hope the same for them. But I am afraid to reach out...knowing they did not come looking for me...wondering if their memories of us are all the bad and none of the good...hating the thought that it may be this way for them.
Some people may say I am being hard on myself, that we all do and say things in youth we regret. That may be true, but it does not stop me from feeling my insides twist at the thought that they could hate the girl I used to be and only remember the bad.
I wish I could go back in time to change my behavior, then I remind myself that I am who I am now because of it.
So please treat others like what they are, a gift from God...put in your path by Him...and if you are lucky enough to have them as a friends...let them know you cherish them.
